Life isn’t fair but God is good!

Romans 8:35-37
New Living Translation (NLT)
35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”) 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loves you.
 
Only about a month after my last post I ended up in hospital having a microdiscectomy on my lower back. About 10 days in hospital followed by 6 weeks of severely restricted activity. Then the realisation that the operation hadn’t been as successful as I had hoped. I was very blessed that I was cared for by some wonderful friends while I was out of action and in fact lived with them while I was recovering.
 
Then as the friends who had lent me their unit were returning to Australia and nothing had worked out in finding somewhere else to live, roughly 12 months ago I decided to move to Gunnedah to stay with my recently widowed aunt and try to get some casual work in the area. On the drive up I was careful in stopping every couple of hours to stretch my back and stayed overnight at my cousin’s place at Newcastle. All should have been well with my back – should have been but wasn’t.
 
After a couple of weeks of agony, physio, and massage I was advised to see a neurosurgeon again. As the nearest one was hours away I decided that the best thing to do would be to return to Ulladulla and make an appointment with the neurosurgeon who had operated on my back. Leaving my car up there I made the journey back by train, breaking it up to make the journey as easy as possible.
 
I think it was only a few days after arriving that I was admitted to Milton hospital ( I don’t have any memory of the first few days). From there I was sent to Shoalhaven Hospital where I was receiving rehab and pain management. One day as I was in the ward my bad leg gave way and I slid into the bed opposite and totally smashed my shoulder…. next stop was Nowra private where I had a  shoulder replacement ! From there I was sent to Berry Rehab hospital where I spent the next 7 weeks. In total I was in hospital for just on 3 months getting out towards the end of January this year.
Panda eyes
Hope you aren’t getting bored reading this long litany of bad experiences….. unfortunately it doesn’t stop there. The damage done to my shoulder was so severe that I am left with restricted movement and constant pain. I have been learning to live with that only to be diagnosed with Rheumatoid arthritis……and am now in the process of  trying to get it under control.
 
Through all this I have stuggled with feelings of self pity, abandonment and grief for the loss of not just my health but my marriage, my home, my security,money stuggles and loneliness. I’ve screamed out to God …. I’ve wondered why this all had to happen to ME!!!!  Surely I’ve been through enough I’ve demanded. How come after looking after John for all the years he was an invalid I’m left to deal with all this by myself????? Why isn’t he looking after me now I’m in need ????
 
The real question though is WHY NOT?  Am I more deserving of protection from the difficulties of life than someone born in a ghetto in India? Or someone who tries to eke out  a living in Ethiopia? Or someone who lost everything and all their family in the Boxing Day Tsumami? Or a child sold into slavery in Thailand? Of course I’m not.
LIFE ISN’T FAIR……. but through the trials and pain and loss I’ve experienced, as I’ve called out to God , the blessings have come and been there as long as I take my eyes off myself and see them.
 
I’ve had family and friends who have gone out of their way to care for me. My dear friend Jacqui made the trip up to Berry to see me at least once a week and called me every day for the 7 weeks I was there.  Christians from my and other churches moved my belongings into the  flat I am renting and set it up for me to come out of hospital to (one lovely couple even bought a washing machine and fridge for me to use). I didn’t have to cook  for about the first 6 weeks as  people dropped meals off to me and visited. I was able to call on a number of people to take me to doctor and physio visits.
I’ve been reminded again and again that I need to keep my eyes on the Lord, that as I seek Him and rely on him the fear and loneliness recede. He has provided the things I’ve needed – through family and friends in many cases but in others in amazing ways. An example of this is finding the granny flat. I wasn’t going to be released from hospital until I had somewhere suitable to go. Finding cheap accommodation isn’t easy in this area and yet I saw this unit advertised online through an agent. The lease was signed a week before I was released from hospital which gave my friends just enough time to move my things in and set it up ready for me to come home to. I’ve often been asked how I found it as many other people were looking for a similar place to live. I saw it at just the right time. A co-incidence? I don’t believe so.
 
Do I suceed in trusting God all the time? Sadly the answer is still no. However I can state with confidence along with Paul when he wrote Ephesians ‘nothing can seperate us from Christ’s love’ and that ‘despite all these things,overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loves us’
 
 
 
 
 
 
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